He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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