He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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