chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
