how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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