just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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