when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need a beard to bite.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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