TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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