Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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