There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Randomize