I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
