Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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