covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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