There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
