and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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