Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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