just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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