Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
