Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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