I'm jealous of your bromance
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
