the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize