does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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