Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
