Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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