I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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