My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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