My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
