I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize