We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
