i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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