i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
