i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
