Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
