"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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