I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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