So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
