JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
