I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just want nice things and good sex
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
