How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
