Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
