Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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