I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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