just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
