My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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