There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
