i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
