Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
