corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
