its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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