why didn't you poke me back
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
