trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
