Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
