whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
