you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
