There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is Oprah even human
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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