The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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