we're chasing vodka with high fives
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
