So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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