matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
two words...techno handjob
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
