it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize