So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
