forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
