You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A+ Viking dick
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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