im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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