I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize