hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
