she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
