So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
